A STORY. 23. TODAY NOTHING FEELS RIGHT
You haven’t been feeling at ease. You come into the old bookstore once more. But today nothing feels right. Things haven’t felt right all day.
Maybe it’s that piece, Walking with John Lennon. Very peaceful. Like he was for peace. But he didn’t stay out of things. He cared a lot about what was going on. And you care too.
And now, today, nothing feels right.
Most of the time the wars feel far away. Billions of dollars shipped here and there for arms, but it’s somewhere else. Today the wars feels close. It could be the John Lennon piece. Or it could be because another of those unnatural fires - houses turned to ashes, trees left standing - has happened, not too far off.
You recently started writing to someone who has been locked up for one of those fires for almost a year. There’s not even a trial date yet, for supposedly setting that fire. But no one can set an unnatural fire. In his last letter, the guy wrote about waking up crying. You don’t know what good it does, writing to him. What do you say to him? I’m sorry. I know it’s rotten.
You slump down in the comfortable old armchair. You pick up MOMENTS.
None of the titles pulls you.
Then one pulls just a little.
I Try
You turn to that page.
https://elsasemporium.com/i-try.html
I am tired of trying
to grow in dry soil
where plants keep dying
I am tired
I try and try and try
anything
not to die
I try and try and try
hope keeps me alive
Yes, that poem fits so well. You do try. Not always easy. How do you know what to do? It’s so big what’s going on. You’ve heard over and over, don’t force things. Pushing hard doesn’t work. But sometimes you don’t know what else to do.
It’s felt like you left all that behind, all that trying and not knowing what to do, coming into the old bookstore. But you see that world is here as well.
You turn the page.
The Bluest Bluest Blue
Yes, that’s what you’re feeling.
https://elsasemporium.com/bluest-blues.html
That’s one thing you love about the blues. They make feeling bad feel good.
no swamp ever seen
a bluer bluer bluer blues
no matter how many crocodiles
eat
no matter how many
lowdown Swampy Joes
oooh it's blue
blue
the shade of blue
that comes from
being blue
from the day before
you was bornoooh it's blue
blue
the color of blue
that's so blue
that no one can even see
that it's blue
You realize you’re smiling. Not a big smile. But you’re ready to go on with the day.
To be continued . . .
A STORY. 24. THE AUTHOR INTERJECTS A FOURTH TIME
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-24-the-author-interjects
A STORY. TABLE OF CONTENTS ... UP TO NOW
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-table-of-contents-up-to-now
Posted April 1, 2024
I'm tired is certainly how I feel! There certainly appears to be no peak to the climb we're on to survive. I believe continuing to stand up for what we believe is truth and protecting our identity is part of that survival, alongside so much else. Edith Eger's book "The Choice" taught me valuable lessons for the Covid era and all it entailed. Your community and research helps so much to remain grounded. The lenses through which we see change with the understanding it all brings! Thank you.
No, we are not finished but if I remember correctly, Reiner said at the very beginning, "It's going to be a bumpy ride so buckle up and enjoy it." He also reminded us to keep singing. Even in the concentration camps they sang, apparently.