A STORY. 23. TODAY NOTHING FEELS RIGHT

You haven’t been feeling at ease. You come into the old bookstore once more. But today nothing feels right. Things haven’t felt right all day.

Maybe it’s that piece, Walking with John Lennon. Very peaceful. Like he was for peace. But he didn’t stay out of things. He cared a lot about what was going on. And you care too.

And now, today, nothing feels right.

Most of the time the wars feel far away. Billions of dollars shipped here and there for arms, but it’s somewhere else. Today the wars feels close. It could be the John Lennon piece. Or it could be because another of those unnatural fires - houses turned to ashes, trees left standing - has happened, not too far off.

You recently started writing to someone who has been locked up for one of those fires for almost a year. There’s not even a trial date yet, for supposedly setting that fire. But no one can set an unnatural fire. In his last letter, the guy wrote about waking up crying. You don’t know what good it does, writing to him. What do you say to him? I’m sorry. I know it’s rotten.

You slump down in the comfortable old armchair. You pick up MOMENTS.

None of the titles pulls you.

Then one pulls just a little.

I Try

You turn to that page.

https://elsasemporium.com/i-try.html

I am tired of trying
to grow in dry soil
where plants keep dying

I am tired

I try and try and try
        anything
                not to die

I try  and try and try

        hope keeps me alive

Yes, that poem fits so well. You do try. Not always easy. How do you know what to do? It’s so big what’s going on. You’ve heard over and over, don’t force things. Pushing hard doesn’t work. But sometimes you don’t know what else to do.

It’s felt like you left all that behind, all that trying and not knowing what to do, coming into the old bookstore. But you see that world is here as well.

You turn the page.

The Bluest Bluest Blue

Yes, that’s what you’re feeling.

https://elsasemporium.com/bluest-blues.html

That’s one thing you love about the blues. They make feeling bad feel good.

no swamp ever seen
a bluer bluer bluer blues
no matter how many crocodiles
eat
no matter how many
lowdown Swampy Joes

oooh it's blue
blue
the shade of blue
           that comes from
being blue
from the day before
           you was born

oooh it's blue
blue
the color of blue
that's so blue
that no one can even see
that it's blue

You realize you’re smiling. Not a big smile. But you’re ready to go on with the day.

To be continued . . .
A STORY. 24. THE AUTHOR INTERJECTS A FOURTH TIME
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-24-the-author-interjects

A STORY. TABLE OF CONTENTS ... UP TO NOW
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-table-of-contents-up-to-now

Posted April 1, 2024