A STORY. 24. THE AUTHOR INTERJECTS A FOURTH TIME

As always, there’s turmoil in the world around me. Right now, a key US bridge, vital for the transport of hazardous waste, has been knocked down. It will be 4 or 5 years before it’s rebuilt. Danger all around - deliberate danger.

Yet in my own life, I’ve just pulled away from putting as much time into doing as much as I have been in that world full of turmoil.

Because there’s another danger. My poems. My stories. Will they survive? Many are online. But so what? Billions upon billions of voices are online. And it can all be erased in a flash. And even now, who cares about my writings?

I did get readers for my poems, month after month, for years. I still get some readers now.

As for myself, I haven’t, for years, given much attention to the personal pieces.

Now, as I’m turning back to them, will I be swamped and get lost?

Often I get tired.

And I don’t know if, whatever I do, I’ll ever get my writings much further out into the world.

That younger me, who wrote these poems, much of her urgency is gone.

So is, I realize, the depth of her pain, her deep sense of aloneness.

hopes forever dashed
tires forever slashed
plans crashed    smashed

If I feel less despair than that younger self who wrote those words, is it that I’ve had it drilled into me to visualize what I want, focus on the positive?

But she felt far more than despair. I think of all the love poetry.

Anyway I know it feels right to be turning back to these poems.

And I know it matters to all of us to give attention to ourselves, our loves and longings.

I know I will continue with this journey.
A STORY. 25. A MESSAGE TO YOU, THE READER
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-25-a-message-to-you-the-reader

A STORY. ALL THE CHAPTERS ... UP TO NOW
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-table-of-contents-up-to-now

Posted April 2, 2024