A STORY. 79. GAPS

You look down again at Can’t Cross the Gap.

I stand on a ledge
   mountain peaks high
   sheer rock straight down
   I don't look down
   can't go forward or back

I stand at the edge
   look down
   it's a sidewalk
   the light changes
   I still hold back

You think of the huge world around you, with huge events unfolding. You think of Superman leaping from building to building. Of Trump and Putin and Churchill. Of Reiner Fuellmich and Arthur Firstenberg and Tucker Carlson. Of huge issues. Of decisions that bring about the start of a war. That avert the start of a war.

And yet it’s there also, that tiny private world, where you didn’t dare cross a gap, didn’t talk to someone you would have liked to talk to. It was worst when you were a teenager. You don’t want to go back there.

https://elsasemporium.com/cant-cross-the-gap.html

I stand at the edge
I act in my head
hold still in dread
   unsure
   instead
         of risking the gap

between the feeling and the fact
between the longing and the act
            a gap

But that isn’t the biggest gap you’ve lived. You remember another gap. It was soon after the end of your last relationship. There had been so much irritation and tension. You expected to feel relief.

But you didn’t. Instead of remembering the Irritation and tension and feeling relief, suddenly a gap opened. Through it came such a sense of loss. And grief.

Other memories also came. Memories of love.

The irritation and tension were gone.

You remember the year after that gap opened. Over and over, grief and loss.

But there was no going back.

How was it, you often wondered, that the love had been so covered? No gap anywhere.

And now there was another gap, the gap between your quiet life and the huge turmoil in so much of the world. A hurricane that swept away towns. Wars. Likely financial disaster and food shortages and more lockdowns.

For now, you sit in the quiet nook, lean back in the comfortable old armchair.

You look down at the book in your lap. There were other poems that had pulled you.

But for now, this is enough.

You close MOMENTS quietly, put the book back on the top of the short pile of books on the table beside you.

You stretch, head for the cash. On the way out, you buy Can’t Cross the Gap.

Mmm, the woman at the cash nods, then says, You really should go listen to that one. At the Cafe.

Maybe you will. But not now.

To be continued . . .
A STORY. 80. STEPS, SO MANY STEPS
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-80-steps-so-many-steps

A STORY. ALL THE CHAPTERS ... UP TO NOW
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-table-of-contents-up-to-now

Posted Oct 13, 2024