A STORY. 75. EMOTIONS ASLEEP
You almost turn the page, leave behind Are My Emotions Asleep. Then your hand pauses, does not turn the page. Instead once more you read the opening lines.
https://elsasemporium.com/emotions-asleep.html
are my emotions asleep?
or do still waters run deep?what is in the deeps?
is it silent for keeps?are my feelings asleep?
or in a deep freeze?frozen but alive?
I can’t see inside
are my emotions asleep?
no motion
You remember turbulence, so very long ago. Longing for love. Longing for community. Longing.
You remember that you’ve always felt most at home, most in your skin when you’re alone. You remember a line from a film that moved you deeply, Shadowlands. Someone asks, Why do you read? The answer, So I know I am not not alone.
The line resonated with you, has stayed with you. You sometimes feel close to someone else when reading. Rarely when with people. Instead you tend to feel a little off-center, not quite comfortable.
are my emotions asleep?
or do still waters run deep?what is in the deeps?
is it silent for keeps?are my feelings asleep?
or in a deep freeze?frozen but alive?
I can’t see inside
are my emotions asleep?
no motion
You can’t remember making the decision to be alone. You think back. There was no decision.
Alone - you find your thoughts exciting. You slide effortlessly from one thought to another, tie together ideas and information. You read. You write. You prepare a new course, refresh an old one.
In company - you are more likely to be bored.
That is, fundamentally, what killed every relationship. Boredom. Until, without any decision, you came to live alone, year after year.
And yet the ache of loneliness - you know that very well. But it has dimmed with time.
are my emotions asleep?
or do still waters run deep?what is in the deeps?
is it silent for keeps?are my feelings asleep?
or in a deep freeze?frozen but alive?
I can’t see inside
are my emotions asleep?
no motion
What is it that is pulling you to keep coming back to the used bookstore with its comfortable armchair and beside it, a table with a short stack of books, with MOMENTS on top?
what is in the deeps?
is it silent for keeps?
To be continued . . .
A STORY. 76. STIRRINGS
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-76-stirrings
A STORY. ALL THE CHAPTERS ... UP TO NOW
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-table-of-contents-up-to-now
Posted Sept 15, 2024
You gave me a flash back to years ago, when living in The Village, NYC, I'd go into the Barnes and Noble on a grey, drizzily day and snuggle into the couch with a book, that as a young student I couldn't afford to buy. They never raised an eyebrow. Thank you so much, Elsa, for sharing your thoughts and writings that often come from "the deeps."
While living in Tucson I went to the used book store often. They had an arm chair. Now my used book store is online, like most of my friends. Yes I know loneless, been alone with the animals for 15 years now. Feeling uncomfortable around people, and more so during these last 4 years.
thank you for posting this beautiful poem ! Know that you are not alone, we are with you in the Spirit.