A STORY. 74. ARE MY EMOTIONS ASLEEP?

You must have dozed off, leaning back in the comfortable old armchair. You don’t remember dropping off. But you obviously did. You feel yourself coming back into wakefulness. You open your eyes, stretch just a bit, then yawn, just a small yawn. MOMENTS is open on your lap, to the table of contents. So many titles. You remember what you were going to read. Are My Emotions Asleep. It’s more than your emotions that have been asleep.

You close your eyes again for a minute. You’re not sleepy, just have that not-quite-awake feeling. Are your emotions asleep? Maybe some are. You’re feeling quite low key most of the time, though the world, as you find out every morning when you look through the many emails in your inbox, is on the edge of calamity. And there are ongoing calamities. Horrors. You shake your head. None of it makes sense to you.

You pick up MOMENTS, turn to Are My Emotions Asleep.

https://elsasemporium.com/emotions-asleep.html

are my emotions asleep?
or do still waters run deep?

what is in the deeps?
is it silent for keeps?

are my feelings asleep?
or in a deep freeze?

frozen but alive?

I can’t see inside

are my emotions asleep?

             no motion

You nod your head. You have the sense you should be gnashing your teeth or moaning while writhing on the floor, like the chorus in a high school production of a Greek tragedy you saw long ago. But it’s nothing like that.

why is all so silent, so numb?
like a street silent, fresh snow

but that’s the silence of peace
the silence of grace
a silence so vast
so safe
I taste the snow on my tongue

that’s not emotions asleep
that’s so wide awake
awake to a world at peace and vast

peaceful joy, elation,
oneness so deep
no words reach – I can only feel

feel oneness so vast, peace, elation

in a world of fresh fallen snow

love and peace

but now, are my emotions asleep?
this is not a feeling of peace

something should be here
but no motion

do still waters run deep?

did something freeze?
freeze and go numb?

can this be undone?

like seeds in the sun

but these are not seeds
meant to wait

these are feelings asleep
meant to live
and to flow
             I wait

Yes, you are waiting. This is not the stillness of peace.

To be continued . . .
A STORY. 75. EMOTIONS ASLEEP
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-75-emotions-asleep

A STORY. ALL THE CHAPTERS ... UP TO NOW
https://elsaiselsa.substack.com/p/a-story-table-of-contents-up-to-now

Posted Sept 6, 2024